the love lock series: the ocean waves chapter
Originally published May 16, 2023
The ocean is peaceful yet powerful, calming, and full of undiscovered treasures. That’s what love is like as well.
I got to interview my incredible friend, Jake Riffel, whose answer taught me such a valuable lesson about the necessary commitments one makes when pursuing a relationship. He began by telling me that he doesn’t fall in love with a girl until after having engaged in a relationship with her. While looks play a role when it comes to attraction, he discussed the kind of personality that draws him in. “I like a gal who seems dependable, she seems confident, she seems like she can take care of herself, and isn’t looking for a man to take care of her, but also understands the value of having other people in her life, so there’s this adventurous spirit with that, where it’s almost this ‘F-you’ attitude where it’s like, ‘I’m gonna do my thing, it’s gonna be great, but if you wanna come along and be a part of journey, then come along.’” The two things that stand out to him most in any kind of relationship is “doing the work and having grace.” Because we’re all flawed human beings, all relationships are flawed as well, and that’s why it’s important to him that each partner recognizes which areas they struggle in and need to improve upon, while at the same time offering grace when the other falls short.
I then talked to one of my best friends, Emily Wahl, on one of our typical Tuesday night coffee runs. For her, it’s important that a guy matches her outgoing energy. Because her love languages are gift giving and acts of service, he also needs to do at least one of those things. “I so much go by the philosophy ‘if he wanted to he would’ve.’” In terms of saying ‘yes’ to a relationship, the man first has to love God. “Second, what makes me very inclined to say yes to them is when they put it out there, when they're like ‘hey I’m interested in you, let’s hang out at this time.’ I do what I like guys to do with me, which is being completely honest with them when I feel that the timing is right, and if I feel that there is some sort of connection…I want people to ask me out how I ask other people out, and so it’s more often than not me just telling people that I have feelings for them… I have just been learning that it really is in God’s hands, but I am a very bold person and I think that’s kind of a gift that God gave me, so it’s just putting it out on the table, and if they say no, it’s just like, at least I tried… and yeah you risk being embarrassed but at the end of the day it’s just a compliment for the other person.” We continued to discuss the fears that many of us have of facing rejection. “My encouragement for all the readers out there, is just to be encouraged in speaking your mind. I think it’s really easy to fall into the trap that the guys ask the girls out, and it doesn’t have to be that way, and I have a lot of guy friends who would like for girls to ask them out, because they don’t know that a girl’s interested in them… don’t be discouraged by that stereotype and at the end of the day if a guy isn't interested, they’ll likely just take it as a compliment and move on with their day.”
Stepping into the ocean can oftentimes feel like a risk, the fear of putting yourself in the open sea preventing you from even trying. Love is a combination of calmness and excitement and nervousness and sacrifice. Be willing to be as peaceful and powerful as the ocean waves in the love that you encounter.
