The Good in The Bad: How the Yin and Yang Reveals Love as a Choice
Originally published June 21, 2024
In a freshman year lecture one of my professors said something that has stuck with me ever since that October afternoon three years ago. For class we had read Sun Tzu’s The Art of War and I didn’t think anything in a book with that kind of title could relate to my life. The professor taught about the centuries old philosophy of the yin and yang, a symbol that represents “good in the bad and bad in the good.” That phrase has remained in my mind in the same way I reach for my favorite cozy shirt on days I don’t know what to wear. But those words aren’t just a refuge or a safety net or a plan b. They’re a versatile awareness of the duality of life.
I don’t like admitting this, but I’ve been pretty angry lately. I struggle with this feeling because as a New Romantic, I always strive to look at life through an optimistic lens. But the reason I’m angry is because of how infrequently others do this as well. I’m frustrated because of the judgment that lurks in communities where people claim to love others. I get angry when I witness hate instead of love, when people want everyone to uphold the same religious, political, and social beliefs as themselves.
Maybe I’m angry because as I get older I have a firmer grasp on my identity, and a better understanding of how people work, what their motives are, and their so-called “mission.” I’m frustrated because no matter how much I limit my screen time, one quick look at the news shows how hurtful, violent, and prejudiced people are. I’m confused because now I understand how backhanded comments I’ve heard in my own life had the same underlying tone of hatred. I’m confused as to how some people can live with a “my way, and my way only” mentality.
I’ve tried to push these thoughts away and focus on more uplifting things, but I realize I can’t uplift others without acknowledging the hurt they go through and the pain I can empathize with. And if I hope to truly love everyone I meet, offering them compassion, acceptance, and heartfelt kindness, I have to speak up when I see harmful things, even in the most subtly sly, seemingly well intentioned comments meant to stir conformity toward one way of thinking.
I now believe love is a choice, a daily decision to encounter those who think and act differently than me, and to never view that as a reason to hold back the same kind of compassion I’d share toward someone who is like me. It’s okay to evaluate and consider one’s own beliefs, but the moment that turns into a cold war between “inferiority” and “superiority” we lose sight of what it is to love. Love is not “me” vs. “them.” Love is to approach others with a posture of openness, not judgment. Love is to eliminate assumptions and stereotypes, realizing that people are complex and rarely ever fall into just one category or system of belief. Love is listening to people’s stories, especially when you’re unfamiliar with what their circumstances must be like. Because even when we do find people we share a lot in common with, two different people are always going to have something they disagree upon, and that’s okay. Love is seeing the beauty in differences, and fully living that out by treating the outsider as well as you’d treat your friend.
Yin and Yang. There is good in the bad and bad in the good. The more we recognize this philosophy in ourselves, the world, and those around us, the more understanding and empathetic we become.
