everything I know about love at 19
Originally published April 7, 2023
I recently read Dolly Alderton’s bestselling memoir “everything I know about love.” What I loved most about it was that she showed her progression of what she thought love was over the course of several different ages in her life. This inspired me to evaluate what I know about love so far, and my hope is to return to this post a year or many years in the future to revise what I’ve learned, because similar to what Socrates once said, the one sure thing I know is that I know nothing at all.
I would first like to share what I’ve learned that love is NOT:
Love is NOT keeping the door open to someone who doesn’t want to walk in.
Love is NOT chasing, pining, desperation, or wishing for things to change, because if you have to wish for things to be different, they’re probably not working out for a reason.
Love is NOT being heartbroken and returning to the source of pain.
Love is NOT having to prove your validity, your worth, your beauty, or why someone should give you a chance.
Love is NOT just an investment of time but an investment of effort.
Love is NOT constantly being the first person to reach out.
Love is NOT one-sided.
Love is NOT a strong connection only, but strong actions as well.
Love is NOT overthinking and spending more time daydreaming about the other person than actually getting to know them.
Love is NOT getting caught up in the idea, the fantasy, the magnification of a person who only exists in your mind, because you’ve intensified their greatest qualities.
Love is NOT chemistry alone, but it’s not good character alone either.
Love is NOT miscommunication, ghosting, and wondering what the other person is thinking about, solely because they won’t get back to you within a reasonable amount of time.
Love is NOT putting up with disrespectful behavior, allowing empty apologies and inconsistent kindness to overcompensate for poor actions.
Here is everything I do know about love at 19:
Love is a mutual ‘yes’ to being there for someone in the best way possible; it isn’t always perfect, and sometimes you fail to give the other person what they need, but what matters most is the ‘yes’ to staying by their side.
Love is remembering the insignificant details, the quirks, the small actions; those shine brighter than the grand gestures.
Love is adventure, thrill, comfort, safety, and peace all at once.
Love is forgiveness, but not submission; progress, but not perfection.
Love is effortless on both ends.
Love is a tight hug, giving up the last fry, lifting each other up, and having a deep conversation followed by laughter that makes you cry.
Love is not having to say a word, but being content in the other’s presence.
Love is going on a drive together, memorizing their favorite song, laughing at each other’s jokes, knowing when it’s time to let loose and goof off, and when it’s time to simply listen.
Love is understanding.
Love is checking in on someone, even when they say they’re fine, because you know which smiles are true and which ones they’re faking.
Lastly, the most important fact about love that I can share with you is not written by me, and I believe that these words are ultimately what must guide us in the pursuit of love:
1 Corinthians 13:4-8:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
